Poem for Paulette

Poem for Paulette

don’t be afraid of fear;

when your body resist its own happiness,

the illness is…is not you,

defines….. and must not define you,

it is living within your living…..it is living without you,

and you are very much living without it,

it is you, and yet you are not it;

you are so much more, in so many different ways;

and yet the body comes courting as friend and betrayer,

we still love it despite its playing the role,

of failed and disappointing lover,

it seeks to bound and bind you through pain,

it seeks hegemonic harmony over your song,

imposing its ill-will on our waking, and our sleep;

just saying,

don’t be a silent witness to suffering,

but don’t cry too long either,

eyes are for seeing the hope in things,

for seeing the seed-things of hope in us;

and yet you must sometimes not share your concerns,

and care so much time for more than one;

you are/can be more than affliction,

the opposite direction of a destined despair;

be a golden promise of your(real) self,

acting and being a smile crafted in creation,

in  a place where all the peaceful waters (those worthy) wait,

being true in patience and not: “just a patient”.

she said: (in search of herself),

“amore-me-more (loving me/myself more now)”,

see her bravely taking deep breath between brackets:

(“I know me and the other person too, and I am not afraid of her”);

you can/are outlasting disappointment,

hope enters with a new found earnest loudness,

unafraid now of the sound of your own laughter,

waiting as a verb for a changing action of the heart,

time as a rescue sign restored to a proper noun,

metaphorically held at last in a lighthouse moment,

stating categorically the inside scooped to the surface,

the restorying of my life”; she said, “will take time”;

“since this feeling is knew 2 me 2”;

a sure sign of design unbroken on the borderless page;

she fights to dream before sleeping,

“I am a witness bearing witness 2 my own 2 lives”,

“I am the sea, the storm, the ship, and the sailor 2”;

naturally there is always the whispered wish for normality,

simply doing the simple normal things,

(“I want to just eat dinner with my family”),

the oh so subtle inclination to a right of banality,

an ordinary act raised to a thing of beauty,

a wish to be a burden-less-life-formed in the arms of kinfolk,

“I try hard to keep an I on my I in I(n)dependent”;

who could really rightfully read blame in her;

or try to decipher her notes on a 2 complicated life:

“my life is my life”,

surely not a browed life,

not able to be given or lent to another life,

a life cannot be changed, worn and washed like clothes;

can’t be closeted for a time long after a present grief;

“I am myself inside, and outside of myself”,

even when beside herself is another self she misses,

in solemnity stretching its vision above the gathering crowd,

waiting for its moment, its turn, to be born;

the mind and heart are never ill,

they always will us more good than bad,

illness is a road (sometime alone, sometimes peopled),

and yet not a destination;

affirming the ever-healthy spirit,

“I vow to live fully within what I mean to live”,

never defined by lack or luck,

the most brave thoughts will join her at the beginning sea,

immersed in their refusal to be still while singing at night,

“on that day when my words swim to meet my future”;

(when the waves resist not returning,

at the moment the sun kisses the blue/green glassy surface,

and dreams float just above her fears of being alone.)

 it is then that something sacred begins to happen,

a craft on an unwavering voyage of a craft hidden in memory,

a practitioner unpracticed in the art of spiritual self-knowing,

sailing softly through an ocean holding all of the worlds tears;

“wait”, she tells them; “just you wait”

“is it now”; they question in unison born in the womb of quiet unintentionality,

(she is very near, now…),

(she picks up the threads of her life, now…..),

(she speaks to the future in ancient words, now…)

“I will weave a path that will heal everyone,

especially,

and starting with me;

I will leave no heart unopened,

especially,

and starting with my own”

                                                                                     -(Uncle)Michael A. Johnson..5/29/13

Good Intentions Pave the Way to Our True Self

To Steven Ingraham: Prelude #2 to the “30 Most Important Things I Learned in Life”

 

(I know, these preludes are getting longer than the list itself!)

 

           Being immersed in science-thinking for so many years I have always felt that Race; as expressed in the genetic (DNA) and/or the phenotype (what you see) is perhaps one of the least scientifically reliable variables for making judgments about who, and what people are. And yet I must balance this understanding, with an understanding of how “race plays”, on the American stage of life. For example George Zimmerman may in fact be a “closer genetic relative” to Trayvon Martin then he is to most White people in America. But the social/political reality is, that on that tragic violent night he saw, not a possible relative; but his culturally defined: “Black Antagonist/Nemesis/Opponent”. I have been haunted (greatly of late); by the consoling and counseling words of my mother who in response to my being disappointed time and time again would ask: “When, will you learn; I know you love your people; the question is: do they love you?” Over the years (and long after her death) her logical (no college experience) question, and the implied answer; would repeatedly defeat my (college educated) frustration in the face of reality. I love education; but one cannot out think reality. To tell the truth, life is full of amazingly contradictory experiences that seem to challenge our inclination to live life in a reality that we have created in the solitary confines of our minds. I have for many years (and I can’t deny it) often felt spiritually closer to many of my Muslim students, than to students with whom I share a religious tradition. Also over the years, it has been very often been students and parents who are not African-American who have shown the greatest understanding and appreciation of my efforts. Many of these parents spoke little or no English. I remember with so much detail when the father of two of my Bengali-American students came into my office, after the graduation of the older brother. He confessed that he was at first worried about me; but that he had come to realize that I treated all of the children the same; and in tears he expressed his appreciation for what I 127had done for his son over the last four years; and what I was presently doing for his daughter. There we were two men, from two very different cultural experiences; both standing and celebrating in tears. That experience was one of the most wonderful moments in my career. But somehow I missed the lesson of that day; I missed what God (sometimes by way of my mother, but on that day by way of that parent) was trying to teach me. And that is: being in control of your calling is at best counter intuitive  and at worst counter productive. I truly believe that we are forced to “repeat a life-grade”, when we fail to learn the lessons of that life- grade. I would for better and worse go for many years; in many different localities; be forced to learn, again and again the important lesson of that moment. If you call yourself to a task (as opposed to being called), then I believe that task is in vain. Success is authentically and obediently responding to the call placed on your life; and like Jonah you can’t pick the where, and to whom you are sent. And for good reasons; our vision is too limited; our patience too wanting; our prejudice too overwhelming; our ability to forgive to faint; our compassion too weak, and our capacity to love unconditionally to shallow. It would (so it would seem) be easier to help people who look like us, live like us, and worship like us. But God has an interesting way of getting us back on track, when we are off the track of our calling.  Success for me has always been centered in my belief that by creating the possibility for young people to realize their true possibilities; meant a win for them, for their families, for the communities from which they come, for the nation, and indeed for the universe itself. A positive change in one person is a positive change for the entire world. But the truth is that doing a good may not be appreciated (even and including by the primary targets of that good). And perhaps the greatest beneficiaries of your good act will fall not on those who you intended it to fall; but rather, our good deeds will follow the intentions of God. 

Yes, it’s that simple….

I have found that in science, the most elegant proof is very often the most simple and straightforward explanation: From Chryssey A Schloss (An intellectual wonder woman who is always focused on the bottom line): “..the problem is that Trayvon is on trial instead of Zimmerman…”

Yes, it’s that simple

the crime of walking Black,

and,

our constantly walking back in time,

being Black in a pre-existent-condition of a post-racial-existence,

is the same as being Black in a pre-assumptive position of guilt,

that’s all folks….that’s it

the victim trades places with the villain,

a desperado becomes Sheriff,

just in time and entitled to take any and all action,

against Black-listed enemies of his state of mind,

crime is in the eyes of whose watching,

don’t linger too long,

(time is also owned by the watcher);

stop and be followed,

don’t stop and be followed;

act un-Black and live;

and with no one to watch the watchman,

the trail begins and ends right then,

he completes the deadly closing task;

and seals the deed in blood;

its the hunters code in a never ending season;

a ritual expression sprinkled over the sons of the powerless;

“Now”, he said (fingering his tin star); “where did you say that 2nd trail was?”

 

American Businesses should mine their own business with diverse minds

          

         The seeds of a U.S economic decline are being planted by the lack of educational opportunity in the classroom for Black and Latino students; and also by the lack of diversity in the corporate boardroom when those students become adults.

          The ethical and fairness factors connected to the promotion of diversity in the corporate “culturally limited” leadership circle, is perhaps beyond their capacity to comprehend. In most cases they have not moved beyond the often pitiful and pathetic: “minority marketing events”; i.e. a “Black History Month Calendar” or the “Three Kings Key Chain” day. But maybe they can at least wrap their brains around the fact that a diverse leadership body is just plain good business sense. They undermine their own profit potential by not utilizing the creative minds of many capable members of the U.S. family. This terrible costly error by Target (and they are by no means alone) is only symptomatic of the many missed opportunities perpetuated by U.S. companies in their failure to engage a rapidly growing (soon to be majority) non-Anglo consumer.

 

“Target Admits Reminding Managers That Not All Hispanics ‘Wear Sombreros’Huffington Post 7/10/13

 

“Target used a training document at one of its warehouses reminding managers that not all Hispanic employees eat tacos and burritos, dance to salsa or wear sombreros, the company said Tuesday. A lawsuit filed by three former warehouse workers in California’s Yolo County shed light on the document, titled “Organization Effectiveness, Employee and Labor Relations Multi-Cultural Tips,” which included suggestions on managing Hispanic workers, and addressing stereotypes about how they eat and dress. Molly Snyder, a spokeswoman for Target, confirmed to The Huffington Post that the document was used during conversations at a company distribution center. She said it was not part of any “formal or company-wide training.” Snyder added that the retailer holds itself responsible for the contents of the document and that Target is “truly sorry.” “It is never Target’s intent to offend our team members or guests and we apologize,” she said.

According to the lawsuit, the document stated the following:

a. Food: not everyone eats tacos and burritos;

b. Music: not everyone dances to salsa;

c. Dress: not everyone wears a sombrero;

d. Mexicans (lower education level, some may be undocumented);

e. Cubans (Political refugees, legal status, higher education level); and

f. They may say ‘OK, OK’ and pretend to understand, when they do not, just to save face.

“The content of the document referenced is not representative of who Target is,” said Snyder. “We strive at all times to be a place where our team and guests feel welcome, valued and respected.”

The three former employees, Robert Gonzalez, Bulmaro Fabian and Pedro Garcia-Ayala, also claim in the lawsuit that their Caucasian bosses regularly used racial slurs when addressing Hispanic employees, and when Gonzalez reported the problem to the human resources department, his supervisors retaliated. Later, Gonzalez, Fabian and Garcia-Ayala were fired. All three claim that their terminations were racially motivated.”  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/10/target-discrimination_n_3570717.html

 

After watching this powerful video for the third time I…

Creating:

An educational revolution as if the disenfranchised and disinherited children of our nation mattered.

A revolution in your personal life, and then declaring independence; as if your personal life mattered.

 

I found this video so very much Inspiring; so that, after watching it for the third time I took notes:

  • Her difficult childhood in growing up in the projects: “..It was scary, like every day” and; “..I felt trapped in a life that was not pleasant..”  For too many children, they arrive to school every day burdened with so many thoughts that would weigh heavily on even the strongest adult. And yet we expect them to magically leave those fears, hurt and disappointments outside of the school building. For those financially well-to do “Re(de)formers”, who say poverty does not matter, clearly they have not felt or understood the overwhelming pain of poverty; the multidimensional, overwhelming and comprehensive aspect of that pain; and how it asserts and inflicts its punishment on the lives of these young people and their families; every hour, every moment and every day of their existence. Children, don’t come to school having left their lives, their families and their histories at home.  On the other hand, for the re(de)formers misguided liberal cousins who say that poverty is the final determiner of a child’s fate, the deciding variable that prevents their learning; I reject their cynical fatalism as a theoretical rational (aka, excuse) that allows them to not fight hard for the educational success of all children. A school must serve as a lighthouse, a sanctuary, an antidote to the challenges young people face in their personal lives. The school must be a purposeful conscious cultural model of achievable hope; and the positive change mechanism of what is, and can be possible.

 

  • Sadly, there is always an “enabling-cooperating” factor in any (psychological or physical; subtle or dramatic) abusive relationship. It is therefore important, that one should seek to create a revolution in your personal life, (in your personality), and then go on to declare, and live a life Independent of self- allowed degradation. Personal history is not destiny. At any moment in your life, you can (without asking permission) choose to live a life that does not require that you serve as the psychological (or in this case also physical) punching bag for those whose goal in life is to find someone  who can help them to create meaning in their lives, by filling the other person’s life with feelings of despair and the absence of meaning. Why, stay in a situation where one is not appreciated?  I recently express to someone who called to tell me that I was missed from…………. “Being appreciated”, I thought, but did not say: “is more important than being missed.” For, one can be missed for all of the wrong reasons. Ah, but to be appreciated means your essential and healthy (mutually beneficial) contribution is a critical component to the successful outcome of the project, or relationship. In a most important way this speaks to a spiritual symmetry of rewarding results. Therefore, any type of abuse (personal, corporate or collective), is by definition a spiritually  asymmetrical relationship.

First, the task is to find, and grow your natural sense of self-appreciation. This can be achieved through the development of your unique gifts and talents. Second, take care, be good and strengthened yourself; that is, your physical and psychological self. Then, and only then, can you live and work in a space that is truly worthy of your presence and contribution.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/03/strive-to-thrive-wendy-ida-first-step_n_3542907.html?utm_hp_ref=black-voices