Principals, if you’re searching for a quick, easy and non-confrontational solution to end bullying in your school, you may be in the wrong profession.
Bullies don’t back down; a brave and ethical leadership force must sit them down.
Unfortunately, as a superintendent, I’ve had to convey this message to now downcast principals sitting in my office who failed by attempting to reason with and appease a bully (or their parents). Flowery eloquent philosophical “experts” who are not responsible for the safety of a school building family can make all of the recommendations they want, but only you principal can determine how to best protect the citizens of your school building.
The consequences of ineffective principalship in addressing bullying can be severe: a child may suffer serious injury or even lose their life, a child who suffers from acts of bullying might stop attending school due to fear, bullying victims (powered by adolescent level developmental psychological thinking) may take defense matters into their own hands and, tragically, often harm innocent students who were not involved in the bullying situation, or parents of bullying victims may successfully sue the district. I always recognized when I was in lawsuit trouble when a parent presented documented evidence of their having made repeated communication attempts to school administrators, pleading with them to address the bullying their child faced.
School-based leaders, everyone in the school family (parents, students, staff members) must be aware (even if they don’t agree) of your standards for school safety and the consistent predictable consequences for any violation of these safety standards. Sometimes, ‘tough love’ must be tough!
No concession, no matter how demeaning, will satisfy a bully. Their brains and characters are wired to respond negatively to acts of retreating kindness. As the chief safety and security officer of your school building, it is crucial that you bravely confront any early stages or ongoing acts of bullying, take decisive action to stop those behaviors, and simultaneously ensure that the bully receives the psychotherapeutic counseling support they so desperately need; you can be both tough and loving.
