The Ahmaud Arbery story: I am so tired of American racism hiding behind Donald Trump.

I am so tired of Donald Trump being portrayed as an aberration, a ‘deviation from the norm’, not-Republican, not-a-true-conservative, not-Mitch McConnell, not Susan Collins (aka “adults in the room”). That he is not the pre-trump era: attempts to dismantle and limit the expansion of healthcare to the poor, of blocking Obama judges, GOP “southern strategy”, Black voter suppression, convincing and manipulating poor/working-class whites to act in their racially-bigoted and not best economic interest, GOP gerrymandering to politically disenfranchise Black citizens; that he is not what America is truly about. His “style” is a little different, but he is in essence every bit of the above pre-trump GOP behaviors and he is very much American…

I am so tired of the news media, professional political thinkers and the cable news ‘talkers’ not recognizing that even a 40+% (plus those large numbers who for a lot of reasons won’t publicly declare) endorsement, support, encouragement, ‘likability’ rating, for someone like a Trump signals a defeat for what people pretend America stands for. Accounting for a 1% standard racist-nutcase cohort in any society; his favorability count is 39% too many people for a nation that wraps itself in the “Liberty And Justice For All” slogan…

I am so tired of a gutless and rudderless Democratic Party, who couldn’t find their way to becoming a ‘real’ opposition party if they were standing in the middle of it (and Yes we must ‘hold-our-collective-noses’ and vote for Joe Biden in the same way we try to save as many children as possible in public school systems that are designed and operating to destroy them; until we gather the collective courage and political will to make a real and meaningful change of those systems)…

I am so tired of talking and listening to white liberals/progressives/independents/conservative “never-trumpers”; who want to lay all of America’s ugly national commitment to the sins of bigotry and discrimination, on the shoulders of Donald Trump. Their political-operational slogan should be “Defeat all Versions of Trump and all American Expressions of Racism & Bigotry!”…

I am so tired of the unbelievable multiple ways (violence, poverty, housing, healthcare, public education, another young black person, law enforcement, ……..) that a young Black life and body can be destroyed alive or dead…

I am so tired of the pre-COVID-19, during Covid-19, (and most likely) post-COVID-19 horrible racial mistreatment of Black people in every area of the pandemic, from healthcare to the policing of the safe-distancing regulations…

I am so tired of professional educators (many who are black) pretending on both the social and news media platforms that this school-closure “distance-learning” thing is actually working well; when there are so many reports from all over the nation that a large number of all-ready underperforming students in the most educationally underserved (read: Black, Latino, poor white kids) zip codes are essentially and totally “missing in distance-learning action”…

I am so tired of professional educators (especially the phenotypically Black ones and the ethically/culturally identifiable Latino ones), who incredulously behave as if “back to normal” Public Education in any form, was in any way working effectively for the overwhelming majority of Black and Latino students…

I am so tired of people with good steady incomes, stock and investment options, nice places to live, plenty of good food to eat and first-rate health insurance, who then demand that Joe Biden basically becomes Bernie Sanders or that he pick a black vice-presidential running mate, or they will join the ‘never-Biden’ club. First, there is nothing Biden can be or do to make them happy; because (full-disclosure like me) 4 more years of Trump won’t hurt them personally; even as those additional 4 years will inflict a great deal of pain and suffering on people who don’t share their (our) privileged lifestyle of having a choice of living well and comfortable under Trump…

I am so tired that once again Black so-called Americans find themselves pleading for the fundamental right of not being killed by any random white citizen or law enforcement agent while: picnicking, walking, jogging, driving, standing, breathing…

I am so tired of fake-progressive white elected officials who automatically feel obligated to apologize to one group for inconveniencing their right to ignore the social-distancing statutes, while they ignore the pain of other groups who are violently over-policed for minor violations of those same safe-distancing violation…

I am so tired of the coward and cowered (with a few exceptions) black elected, religious, and civic leaders who allow the mistreatment and denial of Black people and Black business in the governmental response to this Covid-19 pandemic. Why won’t they do something beyond simply asking for “Black casualty reports”…

I am so tired of living 69 years of perpetual and unrelenting tiredness…

The invisible—visible people…

When…

“…When they approach me they see only my surroundings, themselves or figments of their imagination, indeed, everything and anything except me…”–Invisible Man; Ralph Ellison

When I heard that a “bat-wielding” suspect was shot dead by police in a Walmart outlet; my mind immediately said: “The alleged bat-wielder must be Black!” (I was right)

When I read that “dozens were arrested” by NYPD at an event that violated the social-distancing ordinates instituted by the governor; I somehow suspected that the arrested violators were Black. (I was right)

When I heard that in multiple states armed men and women gathered on and in public state properties (advocating for more coronavirus exposure); my first thought: “They can’t be Black citizens gathering and armed on public property!” (I was right)

When I read that one of the largest school districts in our nation had not heard one contact ‘peep’ (as in nothing), or any type of response to the district’s ‘online-digital-instructional’ school-closure program from thousands of its students; I knew (before the writer told me) the zip codes and the Black and Brown profiles of those educationally ‘missing’ children. (I was right)

When I read that the governor of Georgia essentially handed the largest metropolitan cities in the state like Atlanta, a group death sentence; I immediately surmise that those large cities must be heavily populated with Black citizens. (I was right)

When I read the Emancipation Proclamation it says to me: “Black folks, you are on your own!” (I think I am still right!)

I’ll never take hugging, closeness or compassionate touching for granted again! … Part 9

Notes from In-house exile: Taking Notes on the Plagues Teachable Moments.

April 7, 2020

Aloneness is wealth, loneliness is poverty…

“The cure for loneliness is solitude”— Marianne Moore

A dear sister-friend sent this: “…Social distancing and sheltering in place…of all the people I know this is probably easiest for you…” Oh if only I had the emotional-superpowers people often attribute to me.

I think that bonafied extroverts (who rule the world in part because they are better at communicative-social-networking), get to define the world of bonafied introverts; after all, when you rule the world, that’s what you do. The truth is, ‘social-distancing’ (for which I am in complete compliance), is in fact very difficult for me. An isolation that is forced is never good or pleasant; it’s an imposition on the self, not an act of self-affirmation.

The “Extros” interpret the world in the quantity and frequency of social-contacts; The “Intros” on the other hand only seek the qualitative-deepness of a few social-contacts; they also enjoy investing time and effort into their #1 friend—themselves! But, the secret meaning of Introversion (what Extros define in their worldview as ‘fear’ or ‘pathology’), is that Intros love and care so deeply for others, that they are unwilling to waste that energy by sharing it casually with the undeserving or prematurely with the unready…

I’ll never take hugging, closeness or compassionate touching for granted again!… Part 6

Notes from In-house exile: Taking Notes on the Plagues Teachable Moments.

April 2, 2020

The confessions of an outgoing introvert…

It’s the not-so-nearness of you that works…

People inclined toward introversion really like people…just not a lot of people, and not too often. When first hearing the term: ‘Social-Distancing’ I thought: how bad could that be? It’s what I always do! But separation caused by a disease is different; for it’s a sad forced necessity for the sake of survival.

“It isn’t your sweet conversation
That brings this sensation, oh no
It’s just the nearness of you…”

Covid-19 has helped me to fully acknowledged my seniorhood, being told again and again that I meet all of the criteria of the ‘high-at-risk’ group. Many seniors were already suffering from a kind of social-distancing in the pre-plague era, and so this mandated social-distancing must be doubly painful. We are also unable to distance ourselves from our collection of memories. Everyday I am thinking and using up my ‘prayer-credits’ because so many of my former students, friends and family members are ‘first-responders’, essential civil-servants and/or directly on the front line in hospitals fighting for all of us…
Could it be that those who resist social-closeness the most, are the ones who feel that closeness the deepest and therefore don’t want to risk losing it?

I’ll never take hugging, closeness or compassionate touching for granted again! Part 2.

Notes from In-house exile: Taking Notes on the Plagues Teachable Moments.
(10) March 29, 2020

II.

When choosing is a non-choice…

“The greatest happiness in life is in knowing that others love us, for ourselves, or rather, they love us in spite of ourselves.” –Victor Hugo

Strange how the mind manages the power of choice based on the level of an existential threat. (pre-plague) Every day I wanted the right to be alone, to discourage any forms of random ‘drive-by’ visitations. The “I just happen to be in the neighborhood, and so…..”— Well, just keep on going Mr. or Mrs. Rogers, and don’t stop here! Oh the joy of dwelling in the quiet peace of reading, writing or just thinking , day dreaming, imagining; all without being distracted by a human voice.

I spent the bulk of my adult life in constant communicative service: “ Mr. Johnson I need… Can you…Will you please?” I honor and cherish a life without never-ending verbal request (principals will understand this).
My doorbell was not working for 5 years, which led my (‘can’t by nature and vocation stand broken things’) exasperated fix-it guy to frustratingly say: “Yo Mr. Johnson, let me fix that doorbell for you; I’ll even buy the parts and won’t charge you for labor!”—-Me: “Nope” . No uninvited visitors, everyone must call first!
But these Coronavirus isolation days have changed everything, meaning that I now leap to the door when the UPS guy arrives to bring my Amazon packages and boxes. And even though we both carefully practice safe social/commercial distancing; I am just happy to experience a human face and voice…

I’ll never take hugging, closeness or compassionate touching for granted again!

Notes from In-house exile: Taking Notes on the Plagues Teachable Moments.

(9) March 25, 2020

I.

A work of art and memory in progress…

This pictorial collection of social closeness I am putting together will have to do for now. The Covid-19 virus, like all rabid segregationist is cold and heartless. And so I must navigate this pandemic in mandated aloneliness, and creatively alone. Like my Yoga teacher has been trying to teach me, I can (while doing my daily Yoga practice) now listen intently and intentionally to my breathing, because it is really the only consistent human sound I now hear in my house. Most of the time I just talk and hold both sides of a conversation inside of my head, instead of out loud. Unless of course I end up, as I often do, in a room clueless as to why I am even there. I will then ask the ‘no one’ who is listening: “Now, what did I come in here to do or get?
I like to spend a lot of time alone; but I want my aloneness decision to be my choice, and not something that is imposed on me by either a macro or microorganism. Before the plague there was an option to touch or not touch, and I want that option back so that I can return to a self-determining touching existence…


With Marilyn Nance pre-quarantine days, a real Photography/Artist; I just play one on my blog.

Next: “When choosing is a non-choice…”

Notes from In-house exile: Taking Notes on the Plagues Teachable Moments.

(7) March 24, 2020

Long-term school closures will produce student winners and losers: Sadly, the U.S. Covid-19 virus pandemic will expose and expand the PreK-12 Educational Learning Opportunity Gap… http://majmuse.net/2020/03/24/notes-from-in-house-exile-sadly-the-u-s-covid-19-virus-pandemic-will-expose-and-expand-the-prek-12-educational-learning-opportunity-gap/

• There is the Story of the two Revelatory Plagues; Donald Trump and Covid-19. How someone responds to either or both, tells you everything you need to know about that person’s moral character…

• Rand Paul gets the Covid-19 Virus, is advantaged by his position in government; the hypocritical and immoral Ayn Randian (The Fountainhead, Atlas Shrugged,etc.) philosophy of callous selfishness…

• I guess economic privilege drives politics in a circle: If you go far enough to the right or left you end up in the same place. The ‘woke’ folks who say that Trump = Biden; but unlike most struggling Americans they have financial options and probably health insurance…

• Whiteness sure has its privileges; I can’t imagine Barack Obama getting away with this level of dangerously ignorant leadership. Initially the ACA website malfunctioned and folks (friends and foes) went crazy with criticism. And now under Trump when people are actually getting seriously ill and dying…

• The futility of hoarding. The history of plagues (for real and in science fiction) suggest that starving desperate people, will most-likely fall-back on their Limbic pre-pre-historic system instincts; which means that they are not going to allow you to stay in your home well-fed, toilet-paper rich, safe and sound while they and their children starve to death…

• The proposal to end the necessary social distancing, and let large numbers of people die in time for businesses to reap the highest Easter shopping profits; reveals the cynical and evil nature of capitalism…

• They keep talking about the “high-risk-elderly”; and I have to keep reminding myself that they are talking about me! Age is sometimes nothing but a number in your head!

• Trump’s still strong approval ratings during what is clearly incompetent leadership behavior in response to the plague; and the way he is normalized and tolerated by those white Americans, including Democrats, who claim to disagree with him; suggest to me that the rest of us need a plan “B”; and I don’t mean reparations; something closer to self-reliance…

• Thoughts on being in ‘so-low’ isolation: (1) I’ll never take hugging for granted again. (2) Thank God for 90 day medication prescriptions!